You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
