Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
