I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
