no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
