Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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