Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
