I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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