Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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