What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize