If that was your dad, he is hot
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
