did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
