I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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