just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize