my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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