Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
