so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
