i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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