ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My feet surprised me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
