I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
