So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
