I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
