she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
