1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
