tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
