I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
