things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize