Sponge bath it is.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
