I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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