Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
