Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
