maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Green mimosas i think yes
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
