I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i love accidental penises.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize