You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
