Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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