You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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