We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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