Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
