I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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