I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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