We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
