i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
