Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Who died my cat blue again?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
