I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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