I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There's always time for handjobs
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
