i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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