I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
