when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
