got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
