i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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