We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
