Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
