After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
