a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
