Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
