You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize