The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
