im drinking this country out of the recession.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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