He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Michael Bay diarrhea
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
