Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
