I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
