Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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