laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
