So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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