Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I could have mohawked her pubes.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
did i just pee glitter
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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