I can tuck mytits in my pants
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
