So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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