Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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