everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
