they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
