You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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