I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
