He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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