I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
