I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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