This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
