matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
