I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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