Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
