Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
