I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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