There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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