Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
