Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
