shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
