i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
