I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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