I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
