yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
