She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
