Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
